Back In the Messy Middle

There's a point in the Wilderness when you've come too far to go back, and the way ahead feels like it's so far beyond where you are that you might not make it.

I'm right about there.

The thing is, this is about the rest of my life. The program is over and I need to figure out how to make what I've learned work for me. Part of me wishes this had been a year-long program. I feel proud and relieved that I made it through the 90 days, and did really well, but there's a lot more to do, I'm discovering, to reach my goal of vibrant good health and weight release.

There's also a little bit of rebellion going on. 

I always say that you can do anything for a week or three weeks, a month or three months. It's doing it for a lifetime that is the challenge. Giving up sugar? Let's be truthful. I love sweet things, so this one is tough. Giving up grains, gluten? More truth. I love bread and pasta. I enjoy a balanced-feeling meal and I've been taught that this includes starches. Giving up dairy? Truth. Cheese? Yogurt? Cream? Butter? Really?

The other part of the truth is that these foods are not supportive to my well-being.

And nothing tastes as good as good health feels.

Still . . . 

[Pausing to breathe]

I've given myself the third Wilderness to work through some of this stuff. So far, I really haven't been doing that. Maybe I have. I've been experimenting with food and how it makes me feel, physically and emotionally. I've been dipping my toe in the waters of "real life" eating, and noticing. 

One thing I've noticed is that I need support and accountability. A three-month challenge is a great introduction, but it is not a lifestyle. I think I probably knew this already, but tried to convince myself a three-month program that is brilliantly marketed would be the cure-all. It's a good program, but definitely not a cure-all. 

Physician, heal thyself.

I've taken my daily rest, here in the Green Wilderness, and it's time to cork my water bottle, pick up my journey bag, and start moving again. It's day two of my buffer zone to switch seasons. Some berries, a green smoothie with banana and frozen mango, soup and salad for lunch, chicken and veg for dinner. I did the batch cooking yesterday and my fridge is full of good things. Time to spend some time with my mindset. 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.