Week 13

The last week of the program begins today, following a three-day buffer zone. 

The buffer zone gives us a chance to think about whatever enhancements are offered, to shop, to try things out, to stay where we are, to throw ourselves into the next thing. It's all about choice. The enhancement for this week is to throw us completely into the realm of choice. The metaphor used is it's our first solo flight, the coach and program leader are in the tower speaking to us, but we've got the controls. There's also supported experimentation. I've tried a couple of things so far ~ a little bit of cheese, a little bit of butter, and a cup of tea. One a day, to gauge the body's response. The cup of tea was the most surprising.

I really wanted to love it. I didn't love it.

Almost immediately, I felt the cascade of caffeine effect in my body. It was a stunning discovery that, once cleared of years of daily black tea, I was so sensitive to its effects. I had four or five slow sips and poured the rest down the sink. 

I'm grieving a bit.

I thought for sure I'd want to bring it back. 

I need to step back and re-evaluate.  

So, just to be clear. Please don't tell me that there's always herbal tea. 

That's like telling someone they'll find love again after a painful break-up.

It may be true, but now is not the time to say it. Also, it may not be true. 

It's not always easy to make the choices that are good for you. I probably could train myself to drink black tea again. Begin with diluted versions of it, the way I weaned myself off of it. Work my way back to a teaspoon of loose leaves for a cup of tea. Yesterday afternoon when I tried it, I made it full-strength. One teaspoon of loose leaves. Freshly-boiled filtered water. The perfect steeping time of 3-4 minutes. Darjeeling. My favorite. I still enjoy the tender bitterness of the first sip. Warm and wonderful in the four o'clock hour. Taking a moment just to sit and relish the quiet. 

Unfortunately, the quiet did not last once the caffeine effect came. It felt as if there was frenetic activity in my blood. I could feel every bit of it. And I just wanted it to stop. About an hour or so later, I felt clear and focused. That, actually, felt good. But I did not like they way I felt before getting there. Still, I can imagine myself having a cup of tea after a rich, restaurant meal or as part of a cream tea. There may be a time I choose one or the other. 

I haven't put them below the line.

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She askes big questions of the small things in life.