Something In Me Lifts

I've been feeling a little ambivalent. 

Having some small slips, like not eating enough veg. Or popping a fat bomb instead of taking time to make a meal when my schedule is tight. It gets to the point where I don't have much appetite, so I am not feeling motivated to eat. I'm halfway through the fourth week of this part of the program, and I've stumbled onto what is key to my motivation, why it's been so easy to stick with it, and why it might be getting harder.

The element of surprise, and switching things up each week. 

Up until the seventh week, there was a sense of anticipation around what might be coming. Each week, something changed. It made it interesting and required some effort to keep up with the changes and with how the changes affect me. Who knew this would be key for me?

For the last almost four weeks we've been doing, basically, the same thing. Most days, there's a message on the app that says, "There's no new content today. Keep doing what you're doing." The coach posts related articles in the FB group. But there's less and less engagement there as well.

One of the things I like about this program is the intellectual stimulation and the community engagement. This feels supportive to me. There's been a lot to learn, a lot to talk about. As this falls away, and as the learning format changes, it becomes a lot harder (for me) to follow. I suspect it's the same with others since so few people are engaging.  

I began to notice something was off last week and decided to create my own goals. The first two weeks of the weight release segment, I was learning how to live with the new reality, how to navigate it, how to do it correctly. The third week, I set a goal to think up, research, and adapt recipes so I could make beautiful and delicious meals. I thought that might keep me deeply engaged for a few weeks, make it fun, but this week I feel ambivalence creeping in. 

Awareness is the first step in transformation.

Something lifts as I pause and feel into this.

 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.