Freedom

I woke up to a holiday today.

And to the freedom of a completely unstructured day, a blank page, to create as I will. As I will. There's the thing about freedom. How do we know that what we create, what we will, is really our will? We, like my unstructured day, are shaped by things outside of ourselves. And this is worth being conscious around.

What has shaped us? The collective us and the individual? What influences continue to hold sway?

Part of the wilderness experience, traditionally as well as in the Green Wilderness, is coming to discover who we are by having a dialogue with the inner voice shaped by outer reality. Is what we think true? Is what we think we know true? Is this who I am? Does this feel true to me? Does this feel true to the me I long to be?

I see this dialogue going on one way or another all around me these days. A decision comes down from the Supreme Court and we ask ourselves, "Is this who we are? Is this what America is?"  Some reactionary post pops up on Facebook by one kind of Christian decrying another, especially around issues of welcome, acceptance, and grace, and it plays like a mirror. Is this who we are? Is this who I am? Is this what the church has become? The divisions spoken about in the early books of the New Testament remain, to the point that one way you'll know the church is the church is by its lack of unity. Is this who we want to be? 

The core of freedom is questioning, self-examination, reflection on the inner and outer voices that shape us. This is as big as a nation and as small as the choices of an individual.

When I stepped into the Green Wilderness two months ago, I came looking for freedom. I didn't know it at the time, but it soon became clear that this is what the journey is all about. Freedom to choose. Freedom to change. Freedom to shape myself and my life experience. People reflect back to me all the time that I am not allowed this or that. I am allowed everything. I am choosing to pause some things in my diet and to emphasize other things. The journey is about so much more than the food I am eating or not eating. It's about discovering what might be possible when I have the freedom to choose and am free from biochemical and emotional cravings that sometimes lead me to choices that may not be the best for me. Or that keep me from being able to choose things I might love to do. Like swimming, and eventually a return to hiking and climbing and to paddling on dynamic water. 

Today I am choosing chicken wings and crawfish. There's a way to make them that is actually good for us. I'll be marinading the wings in two different spice blends that I whipped up in my kitchen. No sugar. Lots of flavor. The crawfish are easy. They came frozen and I've thawed them. I'll reheat them by steaming them with a lemon pepper blend and mixing up a dipping sauce with avocado mayo, mustard, and a few other things I haven't thought of yet. I'll search the internet for recipes that I'll adapt with ingredients I choose. Things that support my health goals, rather than undermining them.

What we put in our food is like what we put into our minds. It shapes us, our lives, our experience, how we look at the world and how we live in the world, what we choose. 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Pictured: Chicken wings, baked with a smoky and spicy rub. Served with veggies and a roasted garlic aioli made with avocado mayo and a roasted garlic confit blended with lemon and dill.