Tuesday, July 3, 2018

The Roar of the Blank Page is Deafening

I came here to finish up some work and to do some new writing.

The old work is something new I'm doing. New in the sense that I've never done it before. A new skill I'm learning, new muscle I'm developing, and new experience that has become an interesting teacher for me on every level. 

So yesterday I took the day and did the work. It's finished. Ready. It's been a year-long process for a project I've been working on for seven years. 

An interesting thing about work is that often our projects are not completely in our control. We work with others to bring things out in to the world. We depend on others who have skills and resources we may not. We collaborate or we engage services for hire.  And sometimes we are surprised when something does not work as expected and we have to adjust our expectations. This happened yesterday in my world.  

It was time for a deep exhale. 

I could feel in my body the telltale signs of stress. I congratulated myself on work well done and surrendered to the reality that not everything is in my control. It was time to trust that everything will unfold as it needs to and to be at peace with that. To understand that I am able to meet whatever challenges come. I made dinner and settled in for the evening to watch a movie I've been wanting to see for a couple of months. It was funny and fantastical and pulled me out of the worries of the day.

Today is a new day. 

My desk is clear of old work. 

I said to myself, "Self, what a great day to do some new writing!" So I opened a new page and typed in the title of the new writing. 

It is not a great day to do new writing. 

My body is very clear about this as I hear the blank page roaring at me. And it is deafening. 

It's time, actually, to create some space.

Creating space is different than clearing space. There's an allowing that happens when we create space for ourselves. Today I don't need to get rid of anything in order to do this. I simply allow the space I have already cleared this week to work on behalf of whatever I need for myself. I allow the space to work. The space is doing the work. I am not.  

And what I need is spaciousness.

Spaciousness enables me to be expansive. Anxiety and worry contract me. The medicine for contraction is spaciousness because it enables expansion. Expansion is the space of creativity. There's probably a poetic way to say this, but I'd rather simply be clear. We can write this in a more visual way if we like so we can see it, and we need to see it --

anxiety -> contraction                                                                 worry -> contraction
                                     spaciousness -> expansion -> creativity 

Yes, it is just that simple. 

I'm going to take the day and see it as an energy ball that I hold in my hands and allow to expand. I'm going to do things that enable me to slow down and relax. That open me up so that I can see possibility. Live as if I understand myself as more than a slave to my to-do list. 

I allow whatever is congesting my soul space to gently release. 

I've already taken a break and talked with a friend for almost an hour. I'll meet friends for dinner tonight. And in between, who knows what I'll do? I'm more concerned about being than doing right now and absorbing the sweetness of the energies of this place. There's probably a breathing and vibrational meditation in my near future, and some yoga. I may simply sit and breathe and be. 

Space opens up before me.

The Summer of Self-Love is a daily writing practice created to harness three months for thriving. The goal at the end is to host a dinner party. Sounds like an unusual Hero's Journey, doesn't it? Most of them usually are.  

Art: Dancing the World into Creation, Aliaussie, North Wales, Great Britain

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