Aha! Moments

I had one today.

My world has become very small, contracted. Between habit changes with the pandemic and full-time transition work and worry about a parent, helping, death, and grief, I've let go of many of the things that made up my life before the pandemic and many of the things that have felt expansive - like travel, museums, art galleries, cultural events, and just going out and walking around and stopping to explore new places that look interesting.

I've been spending a lot of time alone. Too much time on Zoom. Too little time in nature. 

Like so many people, I think I may have internalized the thought that "all this will blow over." Logically, I know it won't, but I'm not sure I've really explored this. I've been distracted. I may have created habits without intention. Or with only the intention to keep me safe and weather the crisis.

The world as I've known it has ended.

But it's tricky because so many things look the same. Like the view outside my window. Like the view inside my walls. It's the view inside my head that's changed.

The common-sense wisdom after a major death in one's world is not to make any big decisions for a year. One needs time to manage the shock, not to be reactive. But are there little things that I can do to bring about some small relief in this newly identified and named feeling that my world has become so small? How do I not turn it into a big project that feels exhausting? What can I do today? One small thing that helps me to feel expansive?

Great questions, but here's the rub: I look around and all I can see are things I need to do. I could take the next hour and do some of the small things that need to be done - like carry out the recycling that I usually wouldn't put outside until pick up day. It can wait in the bins instead of in my kitchen. That would clear some space. It's one small thing. 

And now for the expansive. Ugh. There's not enough space yet for me to see. Especially since I'm just visualizing space rather than really having it. So the one small thing for today is to find one small thing, once I've cleared a little space, that can bring some joy, happiness, and expansion to my world. And to trust myself that I will follow through. 

But, just in case, I'll make a big colorful reminder.

Crating Space: Three Months of Showing Up for What's Showing Up is a daily writing practice.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012 and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

 

 .