Like a Garden

I did not consider that the best way to love myself is to be strict with myself around self care boundaries. I'd fallen into the pattern of overwork to meet stress and anxiety. It's a lesson I revisit over and over again, falling into amnesia when demand becomes overwhelming and I am tempted to think I can actually meet every demand I feel. 

I have to step away from work for weeks before I see it. As time to return to work approaches, I experience unexplainable stress that drives me to overwork as I reenter. I was able to discern the pattern this time and begin to address it. It's been four days and I am still uncomfortable with strict self care boundaries. It will be interesting as another work week begins whether I can build them into my first full week back.

Perhaps I'll approach it like an observer, with some distance. 

It might be better if I approach it like someone who is taking care of someone they love. That feels like a better fit.

I spent time at the farmers market and independent bookstore in town this morning. Came home with three books and a bouquet of eucalyptus. The simplicity and fragrant beauty of eucalyptus grounds me. My living room is filled with a scent that reminds me of my intention to cultivate balance. 

I'm brought back to where I began four days ago. With balance and cultivating it. Like a garden.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

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