Fall-ing into Winter

The last day of October is the new year in the ancient Celtic calendar, and the threshold to winter. I think about where I was when I started this writing 39 days ago, the threshold between summer and fall. There were still summery-feeling days and evenings. The days were longer, the light still generous. It was the day before the New England road trip with my son and a few weeks before my trip to Chicago to see my daughter. 

I'm thinking about how quickly things change. The flow of one season into another. The deepening darkness that descends as these days move toward the year's end. Thoughts swirl and coalesce like an early snowfall caught up in a breeze. 

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each day brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Gratitude Journal

The day dawned grey and misty. I walked the trash and recycling out to the curb, grateful the air was warm. Another night of sleeping six hours. Gratitude scratched across the pages of my morning journal. Four days of overwork and my mind needed rest. 

I took the rest. And spent the day in a gentle rhythm of work and rest. Mostly rest. I can catch things up on Saturday.

Rain fell in sheets for hours. Another cause for gratitude. The roses and echinacea, the hellebore and herbs drank deeply. I made a dinner of salmon, sweet potatoes and sweet onions in the air fryer. The lamplight in the evening is soft. The rain has moved off and night falls gently.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.  

Six Hours

I'm feeling decidedly grateful today. And rested. I slept six hours last night and had no night waking. 

Some easing of my work stress and time spent with my son making a rack of lamb, rosemary roasted potatoes, and French green beans, paired with a beautiful Syrah was the best sleeping medicine for the moment. 

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

 

Next on the Docket: Strength Training

Apparently it's a great antidote to cortisol poisoning. Okay. Okay. That might be a somewhat dramatic description, but it's also fair. 

Today was the first day I felt like I was stumbling through a zombie apocalypse. The thought of strength training while sleep deprived does not jazz me. I thought also about heading over to LA Fitness at five to swim if I don't fall back asleep after the night waking. I have images in my mind of sinking into the water like I might in the bathtub. Of course, it's probably hard to sleep while swimming.

Tomorrow I have to interview five candidates for an office administrator position and do the tasks the vacancy has left undone. Fingers crossed I sleep through the night tonight and feel refreshed. Hope springs. 

Fall-ing In Love: Forty Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Maybe We Should Start a Club

It seems there's enough of us waking in the night.

So ended a comment on my recent posts. I've been hearing from so many people that I'm not the only one night waking. We've talked about the possibility that it's seasonal. That it has to do with the disruption, chaos, and uncertainty in the culture. That just about every element in life feels more fraught. 

I've been developing a toolbox. I've got Epsom salts and Lithium baths, essential oils, Lush Dream Cream, a night-time "tea" from Flying Bird Botanicals, an arsenal of Calm App sleep stories, meditations, binaural sounds, and woozy music. I've ordered a Calm Carry device and some magnesium drink powders. Now I'm looking at a weighted panda hug buddy. Apparently, they lower Cortisol. And recently, someone mentioned Ashwaganda. To help lower cortisol.

What I've noticed is the more sleep deprived I get the more anxious I get. The more anxious I get, the more diffiult the night waking becomes. It's a wicked circle, and I'm getting dizzy from it. And headachey. 

Tonight I put a simmer pot on the stove . . . with orange slices, cinnamon sticks, mulling spices, rosemary, and bay leaves. It's a nice idea, but I think simpler would have been better. Maybe orange slices and rosemary. A quarter of a cinnamon stick instead of four of them. Maybe I'll dig out my beeswax candles. I should probably stop watching the Vampire Diaries. 

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each day brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Breadcrumbs in the Night Wood

Last night's nocturnal wanderings took me in and out of sleep in the three o'clock hour, the four o'clock hour, the five o'clock hour, and the six o'clock hour. I used the Calm app and played the binaural tracks, recommended for high cortisol that causes waking. I played them until I found them irritating, and then I moved on to box breathing in the six o'clock hour. I think the beats might have worked just a little bit. I woke up, but I think I also fell back to sleep. 

My feed on social media is filled with sleep cures, all trying to convince me to follow their breadcrumbs. 

Sleep, it seems, has become my new quest.

 

 

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

In the Deep, Dark Night

I've talked to four or five people recently who also are night waking in the three o'clock hour. Anxiety. Existential dread. We all laughed as we compared experiences. How we are laughing with this is beyond my understanding except that, perhaps, knowing we're not alone in the deep, dark night is somehow comforting.   

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

A Bit of Grace. A Bit of Space

I've been thinking about the promises we make to ourselves, and the times those promises may collide. Just as there are competing interests in our outer lives, we have competing interests in our inner lives. 

I'm right there in the thick of it.

I had my third night in a row of night waking at three. The gastric discomfort and the racing thoughts. The temptation to stay in bed til noon, or later, since it's a day off for me. Last week I got up, dressed up, and went out and bought myself a new capsule wardrobe whose time had come.

But how many capusle wardrobes can I buy?

I got up nine-ish and went about a few ten minute tidies around the house. Got dressed and started laundry. Drove in a large circle to get gas, run an errand, and go get my Covid shot. Stopped at the store for some lovely fresh veg and flash frozen salmon and headed home. Split a flagging bouquet into two, trimming away the ends and giving them fresh water. 

Sat down to write. 

I recognize the signs of wintering, or late fall-ing into the darkening time of the year. We're just at the edge of it, and it's a shock to the system. 

I lay awake between four and five and picked up my phone. I know. I know. I should have got up and read my book, but bed felt cozy and that's about all I can say on the matter. The algorithms have become canny. They put before me all manner of anxiety and insomnia fixes. Adrenal exhaustion products and high cortisol elixirs.  

I roll my eyes at myself as I confess that I bought a thing you hold in your hand that sends out electrical impulses to stimulate an acupuncture point to calm anxiety and let you sleep. I also bought a two-month supply of a pre-bedtime magnesium (and other things) drink powder. I'd seen them all before, some for years, but they were definitely impulse buys. 

The impulse to try anything that promises to interrupt this late (or early?) waking thing before it becomes the new normal. 

The grace? The space? I've fall-en a day behind in this writing. I'll catch it up, but for now grace, space. Permission to show up when it feels good.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that oepns a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life. 

There and Back Again

I woke at 4:51 with a wicked upset stomach. Stress, in one of its uglier forms. Tossed and turned for another few hours. Got up and worked in my morning journal to master myself. Master my thoughts. Thoughts compelled by anxiety don't tell the truth. Spent a long day at work, and had an evening meeting. A quick dinner of tuna salad, lettuce, and diced apple. Light and refreshing.

A day that began with stress ends with a nourishing calm.

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

Ah, the sweet smell of overwork . . . 

Not so sweet, actually. 

I had my head on straight at the start of the day. Encountered too many high demand situations. The demands wrench me out of balance. It's like a spine out of alignment, corrected by the chiropractor and then wrenched back out by muscles with a memory for dysfunction. 

How do I say no?

Two steps forward, three steps back.

I hang my head. Shake my head. Decide to go to bed and try again tomorrow.

I knew the workload would be brutal this week. I was not prepared for my own aquiescence. My surrender to the path of least resistance.

What is the deal with Americans and our approach to work? I like the European work culture better. Their healthy and balanced approach to life and to work. I hear a lot of talk these days about Gen Z and their insistence on work-life balance. Some criticize them for it. I hear talk about so-called quiet quitting and criticism of those who crave balance. Could it be they spent too much time watching their parents lose themselves to work? Experiencing their parents' unavailability and wanting something different for themselves? 

I'm grieving something I never had. 

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

 

Wild Confluence

I met a friend for lunch today in NYC. She'd been wanting to try Balthazar, a French-inspired brasserie in Soho, so we made plans and made a reservation. I took the train up - I think it's the first time I've been back since Covid. Ellen and her husband, David, jumped on the subway from their hotel uptown. It was their last day on the east coast before flying back to the west.

Ellen and I met during Covid when we both signed up for Seth Godin's Creatives Workshop and we continued supporting each other's writing in Writing in Community, another workshop supported by Seth, one that renewed periodically and operated for years. After the Akimbo workshops had their sunset, a group of us continued on together as we created and support another writing platform. (Actually, two of them.) From there, we formed a women's writing collective that has created and published two anthologies of our work. 

Today was the first time we met in person. 

We spent nearly four hours together, enjoying lunch and shopping before we each headed off in our own directions. I walked back to Penn Station, stopping into shops along the way. It was a long walk on a beautiful day in a vibrant city. One of my favorite things to do, and deeply restorative.

I posted a check-in on Facebook, along with a photograph of the beautiful Pavlova we had for dessert. In the comments, my brother posted, 

Seriously?!? I had lunch there today!

And then, 

Down on Spring Street?!?

Now, mind you, my youngest brother is something of a trickster character, often coming up with outlandish pronouncements. I tell myself each time that I won't fall for them, but I usually do. I texted him,

Are you messing with me?

He sent a photo of himself and his client, there, at Balthazar.

How is it possible that of all the places on Earth, the two of us were in Manhattan at the same time, same place?

It was a wild confluence.

We mused while texting, that we'd probably still be there talking if we'd run into each other. The only reason we didn't know, I think, is because I was seated with my back to the door. Tough luck, that one.

My Fall-ing In Love emphasis for this fall has hit a new high. The gifts of this time are truly a marvel. The rest of the week will hold some pretty intensive work. I'm not thinking about that right now. Sure I notice it, observe it without judgment. But the awareness bounces right off me. It's a beautiful thing. 

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.  

  

Sunday, Sunday

So good to me

Sunday mornin'

 It was all I hoped it would be 

Of course, I'm riffing on The Mamas & The Papas. At least the first verse of the song. The rest of it goes sideways, and my day did not. Go sideways. It was a good day. First Sunday back in worship after some time off. We had a baptism and a guest speaker for a short generosity talk. There was laughter, enthusiasm, and joy. Our guest in worship said he loves our congregation, it's vibe, how I lead.

I'll be back, he said.

So will I. I loved the spirit of the day. I'd be happy to dwell in that spirit again and again.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Pictured: Jacob Wrestling with the Angel, 1963, Marc Chagall 

 

Like a Garden

I did not consider that the best way to love myself is to be strict with myself around self care boundaries. I'd fallen into the pattern of overwork to meet stress and anxiety. It's a lesson I revisit over and over again, falling into amnesia when demand becomes overwhelming and I am tempted to think I can actually meet every demand I feel. 

I have to step away from work for weeks before I see it. As time to return to work approaches, I experience unexplainable stress that drives me to overwork as I reenter. I was able to discern the pattern this time and begin to address it. It's been four days and I am still uncomfortable with strict self care boundaries. It will be interesting as another work week begins whether I can build them into my first full week back.

Perhaps I'll approach it like an observer, with some distance. 

It might be better if I approach it like someone who is taking care of someone they love. That feels like a better fit.

I spent time at the farmers market and independent bookstore in town this morning. Came home with three books and a bouquet of eucalyptus. The simplicity and fragrant beauty of eucalyptus grounds me. My living room is filled with a scent that reminds me of my intention to cultivate balance. 

I'm brought back to where I began four days ago. With balance and cultivating it. Like a garden.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

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Who Knew?

Discipline. Discipline. Discipline.

And boundaries.

The way I managed my day off today was simply to go out. Got me off the grid. Offline. Away from anything that smacked of obligation.

For a whole day. 

I dressed up, Got in the car. Went shopping. Walked around Princeton. Got lunch. Walked around some more. Drove home. Dropped off my bags. Got back in the car. Went to a restaurant I enjoy and sat at the bar. Had a French martini and six oysters. Struck up a conversation with a fun woman. Another writer. We had a fabulous conversation and exchanged numbers. 

Who knew Friday could be so fun?

Who knew I could fund the willpower to not work on my day off after coming back from vacation?

Who knew I could put aside my anxiety around the unfinished and spend a beautiful fall day being amazingly kind to myself?

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Pictured: a rose eclair from Chez Alice in Prrinceton

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Topsy Turvy

Today the levers to avoid overwork worked. A controlled burn. Four hours of dedicated time in the afternoon with a good list. Working at the office rather than at home like I'd planned, to fortify my focus. At home other tasks beckon. Today the office was a godsend.

An evening meeting rounded out the day. A decision to lay down the work before I got back home and some good cleansing breaths on the drive. Tomorrow is my regular day off. A new book that has already captured me completes the trifecta.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each day brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Pictured: the topsy turvy succulent.

 

Cultivating Balance

I went back to work today having carefully planned the day. I know myself. I can return to work and be swallowed for 13 or 14 hours a day trying to catch myself up. My plan shifted as I worked to manage my stress around knowing that I could not finish what I would have liked to have finished today. Cultivating the discipline to return in a balanced way, to understand that it will take me at least a week to return, to "dig out," reminds me of my drive to Chicago last week.

I'd rented an SUV to take a load of things to my daughter. The drive is about 12 hours, without stops. I understood that trying to do the drive in a day was possible but likely not the best way to get there, so I split the drive into two days . . . 7 1/2 hours on Saturday and 4 1/2 hours on Sunday, with an overnight stop in a beautiful place in between. 

So here's my insanity. I'll freely confess it. I had plenty of time both days to do it well and take care of my body, but I just wanted to get there. I drove nearly non-stop both days. The first day I stopped once to get gas. I was in and out of the car just long enough to get gas, and stopped a second time (quickly) to go to the bathroom. I should have paced myself and stopped every two hours for 10-15 minutes to stretch and walk around. I should have consumed a lot more water than I did. The second day I got gas before I got on the road and drove straight through. I should have stopped at least once, again, to stretch and walk around a bit. 

The drive to arrive sublimated my desire for a more balanced, healthy approach to the task. 

There were costs. My body did not feel as well as it might have had I taken better care of it. I needed to find a massage therapist to work on my feet, ankles, and legs before I got on the flight to come home. 

I notice similar effects to my body when I don't return to work well after time off, and respect that I am human and not a robot. I continue to work on this even after 35 years in ordained ministry and learning the lesson over and over again. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who pushes too hard in order to get things done, and I wonder when I'm going to be kinder to myself. 

I scheduled time with my son this afternoon, to run a few errands together, spend time with each other, make and enjoy dinner, and drive him back into the city. I effectively made it impossible to overwork today. I set boundaries that enabled me to be as kind as possible to my nervous system, at least to have a scaffolding for that. Tomorrow I don't have the same levers planned into the day, but I hope to respect the tasks I set for myself and not jump ahead so I'll "arrive" early. Not spin my wheels trying to do what is impossible, or at least inadvisable, to do in a day. I'll think about creative ways to cultivate balance.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

    

How to Solve Your Own Murder

The story is brilliant. It's a fun read I picked up in Provincetown while I was on vacation. I started it the next week while I was in Chicago and want to finish it before I go back to work tomorrow. Not quite there, but very close. The book has kept my interest, and now it's become compelling. I spent much of the day with a cup of tea, reading. 

And thinking.

The brief? A teenager is at a fair with her two best friends and has her fortune told by a traveling fortune teller. The four sentences completely change the trajectory of the girl's life. It becomes swallowed by the ideas of betrayal, slow demise, the hope for justice, and the likelihood of her own murder. She spends the rest of her life investigating anyone who might possibly have a motive for murdering her and creates a murder board for her potential heirs to work with following her (actual) murder.

The story brings up the question of how we shape our lives by what we think about and what we think we know. Frances, who we meet only as a murder victim and through her youthful journal recollections, is ruined by her belief in the fortune. Of course, once she receives it her innocence is lost and she is never able to "know" anything else.

It reminds me of the story in the Bible of Adam and Eve and what they became after they ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The story is about what happens when innocence is lost, about how knowledge we're not ready for or capable of handling can destroy the direction of our lives. Relationships are destroyed across the board, and there is no coming back from that in the sense of restoring what has been lost. Something new is created.

There's no point wondering what might have been if Frances had not had this experience. She did. Or if Adam and Eve had listened to God's wisdom and enjoyed the other fruit available to them. They didn't. Both stories are great cautionary tales around the power of our thinking and the things that shape us.

I've been thinking about this a lot these days, especially with everything that comes across my social media feeds. The raw existential dread that rises like bile as I think about the decay of our social structures and the things we once trusted as scaffolding for our society. Core values seem no longer to be core. We haven't had a complete collapse yet, and I wonder whether we will continue to shape collapse or whether we'll begin to shape a different response to our fear and worry around what we are becoming, around what is happening around us. There are days that I feel torn between watching with horror and feeling powerless to change what I cannot control. As I move through the story of the book I am reading, I feel a certain kinship with the main character. It's funny how an otherwise light read can reach deeply into us and break something open.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.  

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At Dark's Dawn

I feel the change in the light in my body. I'm a bit sad, but there's nothing immediate to feel sad about.   

I notice that the trees have begun their seasonal wardrobe change. Russets and yellows. Rich reds and oranges. Faded greens. 

Suddenly, it's fall.

We're just at the edge of a Nor'easter, and it's been grey and sometimes rainy. The air feels heavy. There'll be another day of this before it moves off and allows the sun to shine over shorter days.

There's a bit of melancholy in the air. I notice he thought without judgment and let it go.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

 Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Soup Season

Forget pumpkin spice. I've never been a fan. Give me roasted vegetables pureed into a colorful soup. That's my fall flavor passion.

I've made small batches of soup three times in the last 10 days. Once between trips and twice more since I've been home from Chicago. My signature roasted red pepper soup is on hiatus. It's been giving me indigestion, so (if I use it) I'll use half a pepper in a small batch these days. No more. I've also been adding a little heavy cream. It's not necessary, but it is tasty. 

The method is simple. (It's more of a method than a recipe.)

Lately, I've been cooking with methods rather than recipes. There's a little less certainty with a method, a little more creativity. Harder to get specificity, and if there's a batch that's really good it might not be possible to replicate it. I'll take the risk. The benefit to me is ease.

This way of thinking mildly annoys my son. He would like specific proportions or amounts so that he can trust that what he makes once, he can make again with nearly identical results. He also adores my kitchen magic. It's his strongest memory of his childhood with me, that, and our cooking together. Cooking remains magical for him. For his sister as well.

I made a tasty batch of chicken salad for our road trip. He loved it and wants the recipe. I told him I'd make it again when he's up on Wednesday and that he can watch and take notes. The method is based on one of my mother-in-law's recipes. I adapted it to my taste. Hopefully I can replicate it for him and he can capture it. I'm in trouble if I can't.

Back to the soup - here's the method: using a rimmed baking sheet or shallow baking pan, crumple parchment paper to fit and add cut up vegetables tossed in olive oil. I like onion, tomato, carrots, and a little bit of red, orange, or yellow bell pepper. Sweet potato, golden potato, butternut squash can also be used. I can't guarantee the flavor of other veg, but it's easy enough to experiment and discover your favorite combinations. I also like to add some garlic. I peel it and toss it in with the veg. The top of a whole bulb can be cut off and the bulb can be added to the pan and later squeezed into the pot with the veg after roasting and on bread. If my veg combination is carrot heavy I'll add some fresh ginger if I have it. Half to one apple can also be added to the veg mixture, especially when carrot heavy. Season well with salt and other herbs and spices to taste. I usually add lemon pepper, a bay leaf, thyme, and rosemary, Paprika and oregano also are good choices. You can easily use all of these herbs and spices together. 

Roast in a 400 degree oven for about 35 minutes. 

After the timer goes off . . . please use a timer, I got busy the other day and burned a pan of veg . . . remove from the oven and put the roasted veg in a pot. Make sure to get all the oil and pan juices. The veg can be lifted in the parchment paper and added to the pot. (Toss the parchment paper.) Stir and put a lid on top. Allow this to sit for about 10-20 minutes and let the flavors blend.

Remove the bay leaf and any herb stems. Add broth/stock to enable easy blending with your immersion blender. (I like chicken broth.) Go gently with the broth. More can be added until you get the desired consistency. That's pretty much it. Easy peasy. A wonderful, comforting, flavorful meal. 

Cream is optional. Creme fraiche also works.

I like to serve this with a little bit of crusty bread. Greens can be stirred into the hot soup to wilt. Parmesan cheese or ground walnuts can be sprinkled on top. I've also served this with a balsamic glaze drizzle. You can mix a little Greek yogurt with honey and thyme and put a dollop of the mixture on top. I've stirred leftover salmon, chicken, and shrimp into the soup. Leftover wild rice also is good in the soup. 

This is why I sometimes prefer using a method over a recipe. I've got fewer expectations of the dish and so it's easier to enhance, experiment, or entertain folly.

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big qiestions of the small things in life.      

Buon Viaggio, Diane Keaton

I read today that 2025 feels like 2016, another year when it seemed like we heard about the death of a popular culture icon every week. January was brutal, and it continued through most of the year. David Bowie, Gene Wlder, Alan Rickman, John Glenn, Glen Frey, Carrie Fisher, Prince, Harper Lee, The list went on. And on. And on. This year it's been people like Gene Hackman, Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Ternece Stamp, Val Kilmer, Michelle Trachtenberg, Ozzy Osbourne, Loni Anderson, Brian Wilsom, Sly Stone, Pope Francis, Jane Goodall, Robert Redford, and now 

Diane Keaton.  

Dr.Kildare, Dennis the Menace, and Hot Lips. 

I stop typing names and others come to mind. It's killing me softly. Yes, Roberta Flack died this year too . . . and David Johansen, Jesse Colin Young, and Bobby Sherman. Marianne Faithful. Peter Yarrow. 

Joan Plowright, Patricia Routledge, Jean Marsh, and David Lynch. I may as well keep going. 

Graham Greene, Jerry Adler, Julian McMahon, Michael Madsen, George Wendt, Ruth Buzzi, Wink Martindale, Hulk Hogan, George Foreman, Tom Robins, David Gergen, Rick Derringer, and Churck Mangione. Doesn't feel so good right about now.

Mick Ralphs . . . did he even know he will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year? Strains of All the Young Dudes and Shooting Star fill the air. Yes, he co-founded both Mott the Hoople and Bad Company. 

Diane Keaton.

That's who I'm really thinking about today. I had one of those "Oh no" moments when I signed in to social media this afternoon and saw the announcement. Couldn't the algorithm have begun with some good news?

And because I mentioned loving her Coastal Grandma style, my feed is now filled with fashion posts that are highlighting just about every way that aesthetic can be expressed. At least the fashion posts are a distraction from the politics-as-usual stories that seem to fill my feed these days.

Remembering a truly fine woman today. She was funny, bright, creative, and brilliant. She was so much more than what 4 words or a feedful of stories can express. As she passes into history, I think about all she brought to her small piece of eternity and give thanks that we knew her just a little bit through the glimpses we catch in her work and in the unguarded moments captured by fortunate photographers and interviewers.

What did I love about her? So many things. But the thing I think I loved the most is the way she embodied the extraordinary quality of Everywoman.

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

There Is Peace Even in the Storm

Peace is on my mind today. The Nobel Peace Prize was announced this morning in the midst of the storm created around it. The award choice was brilliant and reminds me that we haven't been completely swallowed by the madness that has swept our American society. Sometimes I wonder what we will have become in three years, what the eve of the next preseidential election will bring, and where we'll be the day after. Whether we will have become so desensitized to cruelty and violence that civility will be but a veneer over deep darkness. For now, peace continues to dance with conflict. May peace lead.  

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

"There is peace even in the storm" Vincent Van Gogh.

Art by Pablo Picasso.

Home, Sweet Home

Bed never felt so good. What is it about coming home and sleeping in your own bed that feels so darn good? It's still the best magic there is.

I'm looking forward to another week off at home. I'm looking forward to settling in, to cozy fall endeavors like soup making and fall planting. I've become enamoured with ornamental cabbages arranged in bouquets of three. I've got a big terra cotta pot that will be perfect for that kind of thing. I saw a photo online and knew right away that I wanted to replicate it. Or adapt it for my spot. I've been haunting a local garden center over the last month, planted two rose bushes, three echinacea plants, and some hellebore and a mum that a friend gave me. Laid down some mulch and some pavers that help make navigating my tiny garden simpler. Not sure where to put my sundial. I may wait til the spring to put it back in the garden after I see how everything grows in. I've got my eye on planting some tulip bulbs in the open spaces.

There are also tasks to do. The rest of my moving boxes need to be unpacked. Most of the rooms in my new place are pretty well set with only some unpacking, refining, and hanging art needed. My library and writing room is pretty unformed at this point. If I can get the rest of the place well settled in the next week, then I hope to do the last room before Christmas. 

I look forward to being settled.

I haven't lived a very settled life. With my career choices, I seem to have moved more often than most. I haven't been exactly nomadic, but sometimes it feels that way. The thought of being settled feels a bit unsettling. Something I need to get used to. But I think I am going to like it.

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.   

One More from Chicago

Another morning with a cup of tea, looking out on this peaceful street in Chicago.The street is tree lined and a few brown leaves have fallen. Most of the trees are still green. There's a green mail holding box on the corner. Sunshine breaks through the clouds, blue skies dance with big puffy while clouds. There are some houses and some small apartment buildings. In spite of the morning chill, I've got the window open and fresh air gently moves white sheer curtains.

It's a quiet morning, low key and slow. My flight is at 2:15, so we don't have to leave until 10:30. That's about 40 minutes from now. A Heather Cox Richardson podcast plays in the background, and her analysis of power and the Posse Commitatus Act offer a counter point to the peace of the morning. 

I take another sip of tea as she talks about something that happened here on Saturday morning. Bodycam images tell a different story than the official line. What we are becoming makes me sad. Her calm as she discusses all this is reassuring.

"What I would urge you to do is stay nonviolent," Heather says. "And record and post everything."

She calls this our superpower. Our abiity to show what is really happening. She talks about power "sloshing around" in the absence of the Congress exercising its power and the concentration of power in unelected administration officials. She encourages citizens to take up our own power . . . the power of voice.

"Really, you must remember, we are on a knife edge," she says. 

It's easier to think about this as I sit with the peace of the morning in a city that defies what is being said about it from outside. Those who would seize and abuse power seem content to demonize not just whole groups of people but also whole cities. Half the population is being demonized also, those who disagree with the opposing political party. What's going to happen when the administration believes the polls that say that 85% of the population disagrees with what they're doing?

Big questions season my small moments these days. A little kid skipping across the street in front of his mother and branches moving with the breeze on a tree lined street remind me that all is not lost, that we still have space to conserve what remains important to us. A new conservatism could be the thing that saves our way of life. It's not lost on me that such a statement coming from someone else would terrify me. 

I thought I would be reflecting on last night's birthday dinner this morning. I am, in a way, as I think about what I want for myself in the coming year, for my children, for my community. I close my eyes and send out my intention, a differnt kind of birthday wish, but largely the same as what I wished for when I blew out the candle on that decadent chocolate olive oil cake. I took a single bite. It was enough.    

Fall-ing In Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

    

Another Year Around the Sun

If I had my druthers, I'd pause the words and make a photo collage. Fall in Chicago is beautiful. We spent some time this afternoon in Hyde Park on the campus of the University of Chicago, exploring the Institute for the Study of Ancient Cultures and Powell's Bookstore. The exhibits were dense and beautiful, rich with antiquities. It reminds me of the Penn Museum, and interestingly a tour guide for young students referenceded our collection in Philly. The museum was quiet and people spoke in hushed tones. Even the smell invoked the ancient.

The rain that began yesterday evening cleared and the sun is shining again this afternoon. The ride along Lakeshore Drive felt refreshing as parks on both sides of the road offered some green contrast to the highrise buildings ahead of us. The lake was deep blue and choppy. 

I found two books at Powell's that are coming home with me. The selection is eclectic and I'd love to visit when I feel fresh and energetic. I pretty much sat in one section, Folklore and Myth, and went deep. My daughter walked by and said I was right where I belong.

It's my birthday today and I've been thinking about what a great year it's been and what I'm hoping for in the year to come. Most of what I want has to do with a comfortable home, meaningful work, and life-giving relationships with family and friends. Travel adventures. I'm thinking more about quality of life than anything else. If today is any indication, I'm right on track. 

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012 and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

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Postcard from Chicago

It's a beautiful, sunny day in Wicker Park. Unseasonably warm, the day beckons and I look forward to strolling Division Street and Milwaukee Avenue, where cafes and shops line the street and residents and visitors smile and look around at the sweetness that defines this neighborhood of Chicago. 

Only a short way away, others are having a different experience as they put their lives and their homes back together after a late night raid by federal agents who rapelled from a Black Hawk helicopter as if they'd found themselves in a bad Hollywood action movie. 

I'm aware of the contrast of experience as I visit the city.

Most of us know the story. People dragged from their beds, some naked, harassed and terrorized by masked agents of the Trump administration. I'd normally use the language "masked agents of the state," but the truth is the state (of Illinois), and most of the nation, abhors an action that does not represent the state at all. Children were ziptied together after being awakened from sleep, separated from their parents and led outside into the night. To wait. A witness reports that she challenged one the agents, who replied, "Fuck them kids." 

I have a hard time imagining what it must feel like to have experienced this kind of violence from those sworn to serve and protect. Everyone now wonders if abusive power will escalate with a military invasion of the city. Simply because it can. 

In the absence of any legitimate reason for such action, illegal on its face, it becomes an absurd kind of theatre.

Not sure how I feel about things. There's the happiness my privilege allows me. There's the disruption that my awareness invites. I'm not one to move through life unconsciously and, while I don't think about the experience of others constantly, there are times when the evil perpetrated by the current administration violates what might otherwise be my own sense of peace, calm, and security. 

All of us are violated by these goings on, even if we don't experience the physical violence first hand. The spiritual violence slaps us all. Sometimes it even knocks us on our asses. We live with the contrast. It becomes normalized. And there's the danger.

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012 and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life. 

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Fun Times with My Girl

I don't get to Chicago very often, but when I do it's always so much fun. I love my daughter's new neighborhood; we're staying nearby in an AirBnB in fabulous Wicker Park. I'm looking forward to exploring the area tomorrow and Tuesday. I fly home on Wednesday.  

It's been a long day. Began three states over in northern Ohio where I spent the night in a surprising little town on lake Erie. The day began with sparkling waters and a rosy sunrise. A shorter, more frustrating drive than yesterday's on a one-lane turnpike through northern Indiana. Arriving in Chicago was sudden, and before I knew it I was on the Skyway, the city's stunning skyline rising before me.

We unloaded the car and drove it to the airport to return it. Took the train back to the city and stopped at the store. Made surf 'n' turf with Caesar salad and ended the meal with Ben & Jerry's, a new flavor, Dirt Cake. It's my new obsession. 

And now we're hanging out, watching a few episodes of True Blood and chit chatting. I'd really like to go to bed, but how can I when we're having so much fun?

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human landscape.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012 and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life. 

Long Day's Journey into Night

I'm using the bathroom counter in the hotel as a standing desk. Eight hours of driving today got me a world of hurt but didn't get me quite as many states as a few hours of driving through New England did. I traversed Pennsylvania from end to end and a good bit of Ohio. I've never been to the north of the state, and as I drove toward the bridge over Sandusky Bay, the beauty of the shimmering silver water took my breath away. 

It was one of those vacation-in-a-moment moments.

I'm pausing overnight in Port Clinton, a town on Lake Erie, in a mid-century motel on the lake. I sat outside my room and watched the sky turn shades of lavender and orange as the sun set. The only thing that mars the view is the belching cooling tower of a nuclear power plant on a distant shore.

I wanted something new, and that's exactly what I got.

I love the adventure of discovery. There's something rich and abundant about moving through never-before-seen-by-me landscapes and breathing new air. I thought I'd had my fill on the New England road trip, but am glad to have sqeezed in a few more. Tomorrow I'll drive past Toledo and across northern Indiana to Chicago. I never thought I'd make this drive to see my daughter. I usually fly. But there were things at my place I want to bring her, items she selected from my mother's home in the days following her death two years ago. We're both looking at the things we came away with with new eyes and integrating them into our homes. I think it's good that they've been unlooked at and untouched during this time. 

A bit of undiscovered country to open and unfold.

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life. 

    

A Breath Between

I'm on the road again in just a few hours. Up late, as usual, the night before a trip making sure I am ready. My mother used to tease me about this. "Don't you think you can get whatever you forget wherever you go?" she'd say. "You'll be in [Chicago]. They have stores there, don't they?" 

The question was always accompanied by the look. The look that implies head shaking, maybe even eye rolling.

I chuckle at myself as I think of it. I'd be better off with the sleep I'm missing.

Fall-ing in Love is a 40-day writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

A Perfect Day

It had nothing to do with the way I spent it, though that was a surprise as well.

Nearly a bonus day at the beach, we did more than prepare to go home and make the drive. We took the whole day and didn't leave until after five. 

What made it perfect was simply the weather. Clear, crisp, beautiful and light. The hurricane that got away was still making waves and wind and frolicking froth as the waters moved in and out across the shoreline. 

I walked on the beach and made footprints in the sand. And like the poem says, I was carried.

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big queastions of the small things in life.

 

In the Light

The way it tips the sea pines, and sparkles on the water like diamonds, flashing fire there on the surface.

Dessert follows breakfast. Coconut cake with my cup of tea.

I get to wear my favorite fall outfit, finally, on the first day of October.

Here comes the sun, belting out his morning songs like there's no tomorrow.

Tomorrow has become yesterday again, as days fly by on the wings of morning and evening.

Fall-ing in Love: 40 Days of Noticing is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.