And apparently I'm not the only one to be here. It's days like today that I am grateful to be doing this process with a community. And to be aware of resources produced by people who've been here before me.
I'm doing everything I can to avoid writing about this. I've scrolled through YouTube to find music I enjoy. I've rearranged the flowers in the vase on my table. Twice. I've emptied and refilled my water glass three times. Noticed things that need to be picked up and put away. Picked them up and put them away. I got up to make my green smoothie, and am happily sipping away.
The music on YouTube is eerily resonant. Eddie Vedder sings Just Breathe just now.
Upon closer examination, it seems that YouTube makes playlists based on our preferences. Who knew?
Today's seems to be all my moody music with some brighter things thrown in.
One thing I'm learning in this program is when you eliminate the foods and non-food substances that are not good for you, there's a stripping away of whatever buffer layer we create to keep us from things we think we might need protection from. Thoughts, memories, wounds, fears. They all come rushing in as the dam breaks and they are released. It can feel at times overwhelming. Especially in the morning when I'm raw from sleep and dreams and am writing in my morning journal. I'm hoping that as they rush in, they rush through and rush on. Away. And don't come back. At least not with the fury I've been feeling this week.
Pearl Jam's I'm Still Alive plays in the background.
Some of the resources we've been looking at in the program speak about this being the week that many people who've made it this far, reach for sugar or step away altogether. We've been in ketosis for three weeks, eating greens and green veg, pastured and wild caught proteins, and healthy sources of fats like EVOO, avocado oil, coconut oil, nuts and seeds, avocado. Bodies respond differently and we can't always see the results we hope for if the scale is the only metric we're paying attention to. I've put mine away. There are other measures of progress we've been asked to look at. Things we might forget about if we aren't conscious around them. Things like decreased motivation to eat junk food, reduced inflammation, better sleep, cognitive sharpness, disappearing headaches and allergies, fewer aches and pains, more vibrant and hydrated skin, hair, and nails, looser clothing.
But I don't think it's all about the body metrics like weight and inches. I'm thinking about how most people may not be prepared for the psychological changes that come, the flooding of uncomfortable thoughts and emotions connected with our vulnerabilities and the ways we try to protect ourselves that we're not even aware of. How many of us eat when we're sad, stressed, or going through a hard time? What do we reach for? What happens when we stop reaching for these things and we are wide open to the thoughts and feelings that threaten to undo us?
I tried to do a ten-minute meditation this morning. I lasted six minutes and 47 seconds. Then I reached for music. That's been my medicine this morning. That, and a green smoothie.
Oooh, Love Shack just came on. I might have to do some dancing. Moving the body helps to move things through. It's followed by Shout. I think I'll just let this mix play itself out while I go about the rest of my morning.
The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.
Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.
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