Wond'ring Aloud

This must be the week of the program when uncomfortable emotions and thoughts emerge. 

And apparently I'm not the only one to be here. It's days like today that I am grateful to be doing this process with a community. And to be aware of resources produced by people who've been here before me. 

I'm doing everything I can to avoid writing about this. I've scrolled through YouTube to find music I enjoy. I've rearranged the flowers in the vase on my table. Twice. I've emptied and refilled my water glass three times. Noticed things that need to be picked up and put away. Picked them up and put them away. I got up to make my green smoothie, and am happily sipping away.

The music on YouTube is eerily resonant. Eddie Vedder sings Just Breathe just now.

Upon closer examination, it seems that YouTube makes playlists based on our preferences. Who knew? 

Today's seems to be all my moody music with some brighter things thrown in. 

One thing I'm learning in this program is when you eliminate the foods and non-food substances that are not good for you, there's a stripping away of whatever buffer layer we create to keep us from things we think we might need protection from. Thoughts, memories, wounds, fears. They all come rushing in as the dam breaks and they are released. It can feel at times overwhelming. Especially in the morning when I'm raw from sleep and dreams and am writing in my morning journal. I'm hoping that as they rush in, they rush through and rush on. Away. And don't come back. At least not with the fury I've been feeling this week.

Pearl Jam's I'm Still Alive plays in the background.

Some of the resources we've been looking at in the program speak about this being the week that many people who've made it this far, reach for sugar or step away altogether. We've been in ketosis for three weeks, eating greens and green veg, pastured and wild caught proteins, and healthy sources of fats like EVOO, avocado oil, coconut oil, nuts and seeds, avocado. Bodies respond differently and we can't always see the results we hope for if the scale is the only metric we're paying attention to. I've put mine away. There are other measures of progress we've been asked to look at. Things we might forget about if we aren't conscious around them. Things like decreased motivation to eat junk food, reduced inflammation, better sleep, cognitive sharpness, disappearing headaches and allergies, fewer aches and pains, more vibrant and hydrated skin, hair, and nails, looser clothing. 

But I don't think it's all about the body metrics like weight and inches. I'm thinking about how most people may not be prepared for the psychological changes that come, the flooding of uncomfortable thoughts and emotions connected with our vulnerabilities and the ways we try to protect ourselves that we're not even aware of. How many of us eat when we're sad, stressed, or going through a hard time? What do we reach for? What happens when we stop reaching for these things and we are wide open to the thoughts and feelings that threaten to undo us? 

I tried to do a ten-minute meditation this morning. I lasted six minutes and 47 seconds. Then I reached for music. That's been my medicine this morning. That, and a green smoothie. 

Oooh, Love Shack just came on. I might have to do some dancing. Moving the body helps to move things through. It's followed by Shout. I think I'll just let this mix play itself out while I go about the rest of my morning. 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Maybe It's Just This Week

I take a deep breath this morning as I begin to write. 

It's been a challenging week. I'm not really sure what the source of it is. I am happy with the way I am eating. I am excited to be swimming again. Work is going well. There are the usual ups and downs, but nothing serious. I've been experimenting with recipes and have enjoyed what I've created. I am writing every day. I've spoken with my kids this week and with friends. I've been doing little chores around the house to work through some of the areas that got a bit cluttered over the last year. 

Still, there are days like today when all I feel like doing is cry. 

Someone recently told me that with weight release, sometimes there are things we've held in the body for a long time that begin to go. There are also a few things we can do to ease the passage.

Drink enough water. About 80-96 ounces. 

Sweat. With activities like sauna, steam, dancing.

Let the emotions and the days that might not feel good flow freely. Allow yourself to feel it all.  

There's a steam room in the women's locker room at the gym. I spend time there after swimming. There is something restorative about that time and the way it makes my body feel. I am thinking about stopping at the gym on muscle recovery days as well, just to take the steam. I wonder if this might help the process along. 

I redouble my efforts to drink enough water. Sometimes I lose track. I'll put my three carafe system back into place. It's about 105 ounces, so having most of that will take care of my water requirements. I started the day today drinking some really nice bottled spring water. Sometimes I get that for myself as a treat. I have one carafe filled already; I'll fill the other and make sure I fill my water bottle when I go out.

The third? A little harder, maybe? I'm thinking I might just do some deep breathing if I'm feeling the body symptoms of stress and emotional discomfort. I'll try not to get hooked on figuring out what's coming up to be released; I'll simply let it go. Laughing with myself a little about this. Another mindset challenge. 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

There Will Be Days Like This

I woke up today feeling like I'm sick. (I'm not.) I even took a Covid test to make sure. 

My thumbs hurt. My elbows hurt, My knees hurt. Everything hurts. I feel foggy and tired. This body is an unfamiliar landscape. Is it a setback? A landmark? A trail marker? I'm not sure, but there will be days like this along the way. I've had them before, earlier on, but I'm flowing with ketosis so I'm not supposed to feel this way, at least that's what they tell me. But the coach is likely in her 30s and I am in my 60s, so for now I'm chocking it up to driving through life in a vehicle that has a lot of miles on it. The tune up is a bit slower.

On days like these I notice that the more I'm up and moving around, the better I feel. It's tricky, though, because while I'm still in bed, I'd rather stay there and think I might need to. A warm shower might feel good, but I swam yesterday, had a steam and a shower, so I'll skip a shower this morning. I don't want my skin to fall off. As we age, our skin seems to like daily showers less and less. 

I texted my body-building daughter and asked if it's normal for a body to still be hurting a week and a half after starting to swim, four workouts later? I've given my muscles plenty of recovery time, after all.

"Yes, absolutely," she said.

She went on, "Basically it's little micro tears in your muscles, as they are rebuilding themselves to be able to perform better and become stronger. It's totally normal, and you will notice less soreness eventually."

"When?" I said, "I'm grumpy."

So, there it is. Mindset again. I'm laughing with myself a little bit. I've got a carafe with lemon and basil infused water and I've prepped today's protein. I'm reimagining chicken Caesar salad. I've got the chicken breast pieces in the fridge soaking up some flavor ~ salt, grated lemon peel, grated garlic, and cracked pepper. I'll cook them when I get home from work this afternoon. I'm using Primal Kitchen's Caesar dressing. It's pretty good, and it's clean and comes in glass. They've got a bunch of flavors, so as time goes by I'll pick up a few more. I don't want to become dependent on them, though. They're still a processed food. 

I've been trying some new recipes this week. It's a new goal, to make this way of eating sustainable, which for me means beautiful and delicious. I have been playing with Taco Tuesday. Each week, I come up with a new taco variation. This week I made an adaptation of a recipe I found in a Paleo cookbook, chorizo-spiced meatballs. I made the spice blend from spices in my pantry and fridge (red spices should be kept in the fridge). It's mixed with tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and worked into the ground pork with the hands. Then into the oven at 425 for 20-25 minutes. With my oven, I think I'll take the temperature down to 400 because the bottoms burned a little. Not much, but enough to let me know that I need to adjust the temperature. Ovens can vary, so the first time you try a new recipe, you need to assess for that.

I've pulled out an ice pack for my lower back. I have great chairs in my kitchen to use for writing with an ice pack. I'm feeling a bit like the Ghostbusters movie when the guys cross the streams and everything explodes. There's a bunch of things going on in my body today that are tangled up and making it hard to discern what's what. So I'll do what I know is good - ice for the back after the chiropractic adjustment, muscle rest and recovery after swimming yesterday, drink lots of water, stick to my food guidelines and to making things beautiful and delicious, avoid OTC medication, rest when I need it, and do my deep breathing. Enjoy the beautiful flowers on my kitchen table and the birdsong outside my window. 

 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Beauty All Around

It feels counterintuitive, since the sky is grey and the day is muggy. 

But there is a beautiful bouquet of blue hydrangea I cut from my garden on Sunday before the storms rolled in. It sits on my kitchen table in the small, green glass vase from a friend who moved back to England years ago. She gave it to me, filled with peonies from her garden. We had two years together here and became the closest of friends before she went. She is someone who teases the beauty out of every small thing. She makes a beautiful home. A beautiful garden. Beautiful art. Beautiful poetry. Friendship with her is beautiful.

We've continued our friendship even though we're separated by an ocean. First on Skype, and now on Zoom. In 2018 I traveled to England and spent a couple of weeks there. We explored the remains of a Roman Villa and a village in the Cotswolds, took the train to Paris for three days, returned and ambled around the hill of the Uffington White Horse, explored Avebury and Glastonbury. Drew water from the Chalice Well and climbed the Tor. Spent a day in London and relaxed into a whirlwind of sightseeing. 

I see all of these memories, and more, when I look into this green glass.  

The pale green centers of the hydrangea blossoms call to me. Their soft blues rest comfortably there, as if the glass was made just to hold them. They invite softness on a cloudy summer day and transform the whole scene into beauty. I pause before the busyness begins and notice. There is more than one way to be nourished.

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Good Earth Bounty

The second change we were asked to make was to enjoy the bounty of the Earth. 

This was way back in week two, when we still were supposed to eat the way we'd been eating, healthy or not. We spent a week already enjoying the bounty of air and water as nourishment. Layered on top of this in week two was to enjoy the bounty of the Earth as nourishment, fruit and vegetables. The invitation was simple ~ enjoy fruit first thing in the morning on an empty stomach, add a green smoothie about 30 minutes after the fruit, and add more vegetables to our other meals. 

I'm pretty sure I'd never had as much fruit and as many vegetables in a single day as I was having in the morning. It's easy to skimp on fruit and veg. The invitation was to get mindful around this. So, two to four pieces/servings of fruit in the morning, and limit our fruit to the morning on an empty stomach. I've heard before that fruit should be eaten on its own, but you don't hear that very much in mainstream nutrition conversation. The reason for the limit? Fruit is meant to digest quickly. When you eat fruit with fat and protein it tends to ferment in your stomach and cause gas. 

The first week was an adjustment for me. First, in finding that much ripe, high-quality fresh fruit, and second, eating first thing in the morning. I had been intermittent fasting throughout the morning for years and had never really enjoyed eating first-thing. It usually made me hungry to eat in the morning. The next week, we were invited to double our fruit intake to 4-6 servings. 

The green smoothies were another surprise for me. I used to love green smoothies about ten years ago. I had them to break my fast, and felt so nourished by them. Then I read that there might be too much sugar from the fruit in them, so I stopped making them. I was excited to have them again. My favorite recipe is spinach, cucumber, banana, and frozen mango, some water and three ice cubes. I'd blend everything in my Nutribullet and pour it into my mom's Lilly Pullitzer lidded cup with a hot pink straw, and sip it slowly. We were also encouraged to "chew" it to get the digestive enzymes going. I even took my Nutribullet to Chicago when I visted my daughter in May. Unfortunately, I packed it in my carry on and was escorted out of security to check the bag. Apparently my blender is perceived to be a weapon. It makes a good story. A little humor to break the tension of the memory.

Adding more vegetables to my meals was easy in May with asparagus in season. I'm surprised I haven't morphed into an asparagus stalk.

Those days of fruit in the morning and in my green smoothie are way back in the rearview mirror these days. I'm starting the fourth week of being completely off sugar, root veg, and fruit. The Green Wilderness is truly green these days. The biggest adjustment was to the green smoothie. I'd never had one without fruit, so I had to work with my mindset so I would not sabotage myself. I went for all-out savory, and seasoned it with what I would season a salad dressing, things like salt and pepper, garlic and onion powders, fresh and/or dried herbs. I love using dill and basil. I rotate my greens and include celery, cucumber, and avocado. It also needs acid. I use a squeeze of lemon juice and a splash of vinegar. I actually look forward to it. I try to have two a day, one in the morning while I'm writing and another to take to work.    

The trick is to use enough salt. I can understand why salt was once considered to be wealth. Have I written this here before? I've said this so many times while talking about what I'm doing that I'm starting to wonder if I'm repeating myself in this writing. Well, if I am, it certainly bears repeating.

I went to the chiropractor this morning. He said, "Wow! You're losing weight!" I have a hard time seeing it because I'm so used to seeing myself. He also said, and this is the real treasure, that the inflammation around my spine is gone. That feels like a healthy outcome and worth every step in the Green Wilderness.

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Another Invitation

This time it's to a church supper, not my church, a celebration for a colleague and friend. It was a wonderful gathering, filled with heart, warmth, and gratitude. The table was generous, and lovingly offered.

For the last two days, our church was having a huge, two-day event that left little time for self-care and preparation. I'd managed my green smoothies in the morning and a well-prepared dinner in the evening. The middle of the day was a little shaky. (Note to self: create a strategy for days like these.)

I went straight from one church to the other. I did stop to get gas for my car. (another lesson). The meal was potluck, set up in another room. I did not have any idea what I would find there. I'm trying to remember how I felt when I walked into the space and picked up my plate. The first thing I saw was chicken wings. Four kinds, all with either sugar or dairy or which had used an off-the-shelf grocery item. With all the sugar and chemicals in most of these products, I simply stay away from them. The second item was steamed shrimp. There were cut lemons on the platter. 

That was a big yes.

Chicken nuggets, pigs in a blanket, veggies with dip. Yes! to the veggies, no to the dip. An array of coleslaw and other salads like that. I turned away before I came to the desserts. 

I was thrilled to have found the perfect combination at a church dinner. The last couple of days at my church, there had been bake sale items and lunch for those at working on the project, hot dogs the first day, meatball sandwiches the second. All lovingly offered and all big no's for me. But it was fine, since I brought a green smoothie with me and was able to eat when I got home.

I wrote about convenience the other day. We often reach for what is convenient rather than for what is good for us. Most of us don't really think about what we see at the grocery store and whether it is good for us. Most of us think that because it is for sale at a food store, because it is available, because there is an FDA monitoring the food industry, that what is at the store will not hurt us. Most of us think that because there is a food pyramid approved by the government in concert with the medical field, that those recommendations are good. But, good for whom? 

It's important to remember that doctors generally do not study nutrition in school, and the few that do, take an elective for a semester. I hear this may be changing, but I also hear that sodas laden with artificial sweeteners and conventionally-farmed and produced foods are served to hospital patients. 

It's important to remember that how we eat today is vastly different from how humans have eaten since there were humans, and even vastly different from how our grandparents ate, and from how we ate as children. My mother prepared whole, fresh foods for dinner every evening. Meals at restaurants were rare; fast food was not widely available. It might have been something we ate on the road when we went on vacation. There was plenty of space in our nutritional landscape to clear what was not healthy for us. Unfortunately, we also had sugared cereal with milk most mornings for breakfast, and while the milk was probably not as bad as conventionally-farmed milk is today, it still was a food designed for little cows, not little humans. Lunch was normally a sandwich made from white bread, cheese, bologna, or peanut butter and jelly. Some fruit. Some store-bought cookies. We reached for convenience for breakfast and lunch because it was easy.

I wonder what might be possible for us if we set aside convenience for mindfulness in how we choose and consume what we put in and on our bodies. Do we stop to read labels? To understand what is in our food and how our choices affect our bodies? 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

An Evening Out

We usually meet at a restaurant. But they're dicey these days as I try to avoid hidden sugars, temptation, and artificial anything. 

So we decided to meet at Sarah's house, have dinner, and enjoy the evening in her magical garden. We started doing this during the Covid-19 lock down, when things began to ease in June and it was decided that small outdoor gatherings were safe (-ish) for people who otherwise spent most of their time sheltering at home.

The magical garden part of the evening was scrapped because of rain. Instead we spent the evening in her magical music room and had dinner before the fire. It was lovely, with the sound of falling rain without and the crackling of the fire within. Fire and water. 

Our dinner was simple, and simply beautiful. Salmon crusted with a local zaatar. I'd never had the toasted herb and spice blend with salmon before, so it was a bit adventurous. The salad was a mix of tender lettuces from her garden, with herbs and flowers from the garden ~ mint, basil, borage, nasturtium. There was cucumber, tomato, avocado. I'd brought some pine nuts and sliced almonds. We toasted them on the stovetop and in they went. Dressed with a homemade vinaigrette of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, Dijon mustard, and a splash of tamari. 

Sarah had wine and I had fizzy water with a splash of lime juice and a mint leaf. 

I sometimes get side glances from people who think there is nothing to eat on my plan, as if sugar, grains and pseudo-grains, potatoes, and dairy are key to life. For most of human history, we ate none of this. I'm not saying that I don't occasionally miss something. But the lure to find out how I might feel if I take a vacation from foods that cause inflammation in the body is strong. My goals are vibrant good health and weight release. It's been a surprising journey through this Green Wilderness ~ discovering all the varieties of greens in the landscape, discovering their nuances, discovering new flavors as my palate clears and resets, discovering new combinations of edible plants and flowers, herbs, spices, and new ways of preparing meat, poultry, and fish. 

I've been researching recipes over the last few days. As the third week of the "most restrictive" part of the program begins, I feel drawn to being more creative and adventurous in the kitchen. I laugh at myself as I realize I probably will discover I prefer simplicity, but there may yet be some treasure to discover here, so I'll put on my Indiana Jones action wear and get going.

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Listen To the Rain

It falls gently outside my window, watering everything. 

The forecast is for nine days of rain. We need it. The river is low. The islands in the center have beaches. The canal is barely a puddle in places, and the rest is covered in algae bloom. I can barely see the rain as it falls, but every now and then it catches a reflection of light off the clouds and shows itself. Its soft cadence blends with birdsong in soft harmonies.

Tiny whispers of breeze move green leaves on trees.

I sip chicken broth, and water infused with a slice of lemon and basil leaves.

Everything is quiet and my breathing slows. The air is spared from the breath of lawn tools. 

It's the sound of cleansing. 

The thought teases a deep breath from me. And another. And a third. The week has been frenetic and here are a few moments to pause and catch my breath before diving in again. A cue to remember myself before I remember everything else. I feel energy pulsing in my body and notice that something has changed. I move through the Green Wilderness with rain on my skin and in my thoughts, refreshed. 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She askes big questions of the small things in life.

The Body Speaks

This is the third rough morning in a row in a week when everything should feel good.

They say things come in threes. I hope this is the end of it. But I can't help wondering if my body is trying to tell me something. The body speaks. The body never lies. Sometimes the message is clear. Sometimes it is mysterious. Maybe it's always clear and I am simply not listening. Or I might have my head filled with things that become a veil against my body's messaging. 

I don't know.

Or maybe I do.

And am simply not seeing clearly. 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

When Everything Feels Off

There are some days when everything feels off. 

Digestion, sleep, energy. What do I do? Double down on my plan. Follow it impeccably. Sometimes it's possible to get a little unconscious and, maybe, skimp on vegetables or fats or protein. Or water. Or mindful breathing. Things get out of balance. My body is more sensitive than usual these days and lack of balance seems to show up pretty quickly.

Today is one of those days. I woke at 2 and could not get back to sleep for hours. I got up at 4 and did a little writing in my morning journal. Went back to bed for three more hours. Was achy all over. Got up and moved around. Not so achy any more. Did a few things around the house to redirect my thoughts. Sat down to write. I've had a glass of water and am now sipping some more. I'll make a green smoothie, filled with greens, vegetables, avocado, and water.  Maybe have a fat bomb for some energy. Maybe not. My energy seems to be building.

Sometimes we expect everything to happen immediately and all at once. Not sure where we got this expectation. Advertising? Marketing? Very little in life actually happens that way. The slow build to something enduring is what feels more true to me. It's like chicken broth. You bring together all the ingredients and let them simmer for awhile, a long while. When it's done, you skim off the fat, clear away what's left that's no longer needed, and you have liquid gold.

While I was up between sleeps last night, I pulled some chicken broth out of my freezer. I made it a few weeks ago and forgot about it. I'll sip it to help restore balance. It's the perfect medicine for when things feel off. Comforting, nutritious, delicious. Several years ago, I made it often and drank it every morning throughout the winter. My daughter called it my "meat tea." I'm thinking that now that I've given up caffeine and black tea for awhile, I may bring back that morning practice and see what it might contribute to my well being in this season of life. 

Traversing the Green Wilderness with this kind of journey food might be just what I need right now.  

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Air and Water

The first change we were asked to make was to our relationship with air and water. 

Most of us are short on both. We live in a state of constant agitation and so we usually breathe with the top of our lungs instead of taking air deep into our lungs. Most of us don't drink enough water. It could be because we are too busy. It could be because we don't want to stop what we're doing and go to the bathroom as often as we should. I think of my teacher friends, who sometimes can't get even a single bathroom break in the day.  

My own experience with this is that I was so out of practice with drinking enough water that I would guzzle my 8-ounce glasses of water in a single long swallow. In the beginning. That's not the way to do it either. I also had the habit of drinking several cups of black tea throughout the day. That made it hard for me to get enough water and, since caffeine has diuretic properties, black tea may not be ideal for hydration. I've learned to (mostly) sip water throughout the day and stop early enough that my sleep is not interrupted throughout the night.. 

I did not realize how unconscious I'd gotten around my relationship with air and water. It's funny because I teach mindful breathing. But in the day-to-day rush of life, I can forget myself. It's in the day-to-day rush that we need to remember ourselves. 

The invitation was to pause several times throughout the day and to do 5x5x5 breathing five times. That's the kind of breath in which you inhale to the count of five, hold the breath for the count of five, and then exhale to the count of five. I refined this a bit to the breathing I like to practice. Inhale to the count of five. Pause at the top of the breath (not counting) and exhale to the count of seven. Pause at the bottom of the breath. I like to let go of counting with the pause because, for me, too much stress on counting feels stressful. And I prefer a longer exhalation to release more air from the lungs. Exhaling stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and signals the body to relax.  

I thought about using my phone to remind me to stop and breathe and to drink more water, but decided instead to get into the habit of listening to my body and noticing her cues. I also assist myself with hydration by using the three carafes I bought last summer when I had a similar goal (more hydration) and fill the three of them in the morning with filtered water. I leave the empties on the counter. It's a visual cue, and gently supportive. I infuse the water with a slice of lemon and a few leaves of basil. These days it's habit, so I usually simply refill one carafe, but I go back to filling all three if I notice I'm drinking less.

What have I noticed?

I feel calmer. My head is clearer. My breathing has changed so that it is slower and more relaxed. When I feel challenged I fall into a deep inhale and a deeper exhale, which gives me a pause to reset. I feel more energy and am more clear-headed. I might say that I am feeling more nourished by air.

The most noticeable sign that I am well hydrated is I am not hungry most of the time. Dehydration and feeling hungry are connected. I've also noticed that my skin is softer and less dry. For about five years, my arms and hands have looked dry all the time. Some of that is related to hormone levels and I thought it was an inevitable part of aging. It may be, somewhat, but being well hydrated has an affect too. I might say that I am feeling more nourished by water.

I'd never understood I am nourished by air and water. And that it's the foundation upon which all other nourishment builds. 

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

  

Inconvenient Truth

Let's talk about convenience.

We reach for prepared foods and fast food because they're convenient. They don't take a lot of time and effort to go from purchase to table. And we're busy, so it makes sense to save ourselves some time and effort. I'm just not sure that it's always a good idea when it comes to food and nutrition. We need to measure our choices. 

Prepared foods and fast food are high in non-nutritive ingredients, like sugar, soy, fillers, chemicals, and artificial colors and flavors. Food companies want to keep profits high, so they do that by keeping quality low. Cheap ingredients, conventionally farmed meat and produce, non-food ingredients that have been created for the purpose of making processed foods attractive.  

As I've been moving through the Green Wilderness, I've stopped along the way to learn how what we put into and on our bodies affect our health, energy, and longevity. The truth is that some of what we eat isn't nourishing us much at all. I've been learning through information and through experience. Some of the information I know, and once ignored because it's not convenient, and other information I'm learning for the first time. It's the learning through experience that's been the most powerful.

I've completely eliminated most processed foods from my diet, and what I choose I'm picky about. I'm worth my own pickiness. I'm reading labels, choosing healthier packaging (like glass where possible), choosing quality over cost (there's cost to lower quality; it's just a different cost), and choosing foods that are not processed, where possible. I haven't started to make my own almond butter, for example, but I can see that there may come a time when I might. 

I am noticing that when I choose something processed, it's completely about convenience. 

Here are a few examples - I let someone else take the coconut meat out of the coconut, which I buy at Whole Foods in the produce department. I let someone else peel the garlic cloves when I make a recipe that requires a lot of garlic. I get this at a local produce market. I don't grow all my herbs and spices, so I source them from Penzey's and from local farm markets from organic farms in season. I buy Sir Kensington's Avocado Oil Mayo, rather than making my own. I buy shelled nuts. I buy a few other pantry staples like oils and vinegars and coconut milk. 

The rest of what I eat I try to buy fresh, local, and in season.

I was having a conversation today with someone who is looking for almond butter that contains only almonds and salt. She was having a hard time finding a brand that has salt. I like Artisana (one ingredient - almonds, packaged in glass). She did not want to add the extra step of adding her own salt, serving by serving. She'd hit her line and was already challenged by the inevitable stirring because of the separation of the oil. One more step was one step too many for her. I recommended Trader Joe's, which has a good, inexpensive almond butter that comes in both salted and unsalted varieties. There's no Trader Joe's near her home, so that did not work for her. I did an internet search and found that Walmart carries an almond butter made with two ingredients, almonds and salt. Never in a million years would I have expected that from Walmart, but I've also heard that they've been wading into the healthy foods arena. It works for her. 

I share this story because we have different tolerances for change in our habits. Everything is about our choices. What we choose shapes our life. We also need to be patient with ourselves when making changes. Moving in stages, step by step, is the gentlest way of creating lasting change. I'm half way through this 13-week process I started in May. I've made some changes I would not have thought possible. I am sticking to them, and I am a little surprised by that. I love that I am surprising myself.

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

Layers of Preparation

Being prepared is everything.

It's not enough to have done the shopping. Eating whole, fresh food in season means that you're spending a lot of time washing produce, chopping, and thinking creatively about how to put things together so the meals are interesting. Then there's the cooking.

I try to do some batch cooking to have things on hand when I'm busy or feeling overwhelmed. Today I got home from church, spent, and could do little beyond reaching for a couple of roasted chicken legs I had in the fridge and a handful of nuts. I'd gone to the produce market up the street to pick up a few things, and the bags sat on the kitchen floor for about an hour before I put things away. My fridge is feeling way too small these days. I probably should do a clean out and get rid of anything I don't need right now. I'm nodding my head as I read this on the screen. And kind of laughing at myself because I know I probably won't.

What I did do today, besides drive to two different grocery stores, was to make garlic confit. My son taught me this little trick a couple of weeks ago when we had lunch together at his place. It was so much simpler than going out and trying to eat to plan. I'll talk about restaurants another time, but understanding that it's simpler to cook at home than to go out to eat right now makes things so much easier. Charlie, who shares my love for cooking, picked up a steak and some shrimp, which he served with a colorful salad. He prepared the shrimp with a blended garlic confit he'd made, and made a simple sauce to zhuzh things up with the confit and some cherry tomatoes. It was fabulous.

What I love about this is the level of support I'm getting from so many of the people in my life. Sure, there's the occasional, "Oh come on, just a little bite of [this or that] won't hurt." (Yes, it will.) But I've been gratified by the level of support I've been receiving. The day I had lunch with Charlie, he told me he really thought about what I've been eating and how to make it feel sumptuous. This is something I've been doing as well, and to have a different set of eyes on it has given me other creative possibilities for my meal prep.

I tried his method today and it turned out wonderfully. I'm looking forward to drizzling it over fish or nut-crusted chicken, or using it as the base for simple sauces. It up-levels everything, and with limited options this kind of creativity is everything. I've been reminding myself that limited does not have to be limiting.

So here's the method ~

Fill a small baking dish with a single layer of peeled garlic cloves. Cover with extra virgin olive oil and place in a 200 degree oven for two hours. When it cools a bit, put the garlic and oil in a blender with the zest and juice of 1/2-a whole lemon and an herb or herbs of choice. I used fresh dill. Blend til nearly smooth. Put it in a glass jar in the fridge and shake or stir before using.

I have a day off tomorrow, so I'll take the time to do some batch cooking, organize the kitchen for the week, and get a few other things done around the house so the rest of the week runs smoothly and has fewer stressors. Chance may favor the prepared mind, but traversing the green wilderness needs its own kinds of preparation.

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.

  

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The Green WIlderness

I've been journaling the 13-week health and nutrition coaching program I've been doing for the last six weeks, and noticed as I looked down the other day that I was on day 38. "Wow," I thought to myself, "This really is a wilderness journey."

I'd been feeling it, the low-energy slog through the landscape of my changing body as I make change after change to help condition my body for weight release and vibrant good health. These are my goals. Vibrant good health and weight release.

The hardest part so far is doing the deep work of listening to my inner dialogue around food choices, the things I tell myself about what I had been choosing to eat. The first two weeks of this process there were few changes beyond listening to what lies beneath the extra weight, the things I've been masking and cushioning myself against. 

The body never lies. 

Supported by attention to the breath and deep breathing five times a day and hydration to the tune of at least six to eight, eight-ounce glasses of water every day, I spent time being still and listening, allowing years of what has remained beneath the surface and mostly unconscious to begin to emerge. Choosing not to numb it with sugar or cheese or bread or wine or even black tea. Choosing to listen. To be present. To love myself differently.

The first two weeks I could eat anything I wanted, but the cost was listening to what I said to myself. I was glad to be able to have that freedom at the beginning, especially since I'd planned a trip to visit my daughter and we'd planned to go and eat good food out, exploring the Chicago food scene with gusto. Instead, we enjoyed a more tempered approach. My daughter shared that she would love to have my home cooking, that she missed it, so we ate most of our meals in. And they were wonderful! Beautiful and delicious, as I like to say. Healthy, for the most part. 

We did eat out four times. I wanted to try Pequod's Pizza. I saw it on Somebody Feed Phil, and I was dying to have real Chicago deep-dish pizza in Chicago. And we did, but we did it differently. We ordered a personal pan pizza and shared it. We ordered a salad and shared that. And we ordered two Blue Moons and each had our own. It was just right. 

We also ate at Le Buchon, a beautiful French bistro. Each had our own appetizers, shared an entrée, had a cocktail, and a glass of wine with dinner. Decided to skip dessert and enjoy beautiful chocolate (from a fine chocolate shop) back at the apartment I'd rented for us during my stay.  

We ate at the café in the Museum of Contemporary Art, and got carry out at a Mediterranean place my daughter likes the night I flew in. The meal at the museum was especially yummy ~ a burrata appetizer, grilled ham and cheese on sourdough, dessert and beautiful tea. My daughter had affogato, espresso poured over ice cream. I had a cookie to go with my tea. My descriptions don't do it justice. It's not your mother's grilled cheese, that's for sure. The burrata was served with arugula and dressed with a balsamic glaze and kumquats. Even that does not do it justice. The wine was lovely.

I am not eating that way these days, but my wilderness is green. All the varieties of greens. At least fifty shades of green. Next to me on the table is my mother's Lilly Pulitzer lidded 24-oz. tumbler with a green smoothie to live for. I sip two of these a day. Over my counter sprawl finds from the Yardley Farmer's Market today ~ two heads of beautiful leaf lettuce, bags of baby kale and pea shoots, a tub of microgreens, a tiny head of broccoli, and a jar of salsa verde (no sugar, no artificial preservatives). There's also some pastured chicken and grass fed and finished beef. 

I didn't get here overnight. It's been a long and harrowing journey, forty days of it so far. There are forty more, and forty after that. I'm taking it in stages and noticing the miracles on the way.

The Green Wilderness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience. 

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.