Tricky and Dicey

The atmosphere in the wider culture is difficult.

Part of the work I am doing in my professional role is to help create a healthy container for community life in a church. A church is a microcosm of the wider culture and most, if not all, of the challenges in the culture exist in churches to a greater or lesser degree.

I'm finding messaging tricky right now. Trying to sound the right note, express the right tone, be clear, kind, use the best information possible, especially around Covid and gathering is challenging.  

The more I read about this Delta variant, about vaccine hesitancy and low vaccination rates, about the politicization of public health matters the more concerned I become. And people are sensitive right now - they seem to be listening for judgment and condemnation, for something to take issue with. I think part of that is a reflection of the rhetoric of the last five years or so. 

It's late at night and I am musing over a correction I need to make tomorrow. It took exactly three days for my first crisis to rise up. I'm going to have to be more careful than I've ever been before about messaging. And I'm grateful that someone pointed out their perception so that I can address it. That doesn't always happen. Sometimes people simply get mad and disengage. 

A community is built on connection and caring. Even if one might not understand or agree where another is coming from, in a community we listen, we empathize, and we course correct so that as many people as possible can feel secure. It's become a popular pastime to denigrate the idea of a "safe space" - but our communities do need to be safe spaces. It takes mutual respect and collaboration to build a foundation for that. And when trust is broken, it can be difficult to rebuild. Everyone has a role in that. We must speak with care and listen with a willingness to accept that the message is offered with care. To train ourselves to step away from being offended and to be willing to be more open-hearted. That can be hard when there has been conflict. 

I knew a therapist once who said, "Husbands and wives must make love to each other, knowing that at any time the other could betray them." Or make a mistake, or be inconsiderate, or many other things that are part of relationships. Other kinds of partnerships are no different - we have to move toward each other, knowing that the other can hurt us. We can't build our personal walls so high that we are isolated if we hope to be in healthy relationships. That means minding our tendencies around becoming offended, and it also means choosing not to be defensive when someone says they are hurting, allowing ourselves to be curious and compassionate instead. In all that, we start to mend the frayed edges.

A Hundred Years of Happiness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.