Chasing My Tail

I'm stuck in the chase, it appears.

Lots of irons in the fire, lots going on. I'm thinking that at some point, there will be a lot of things finishing at once. Soon.

I'm thinking about my writing last night and about wild nature, the wild nature outside and my own wild nature. It's got me thinking about the desert and this longing I've been feeling to get away and get out into the back country. Alone.

It's strange that after all the Covid-19 restrictions we've been through in the last 16 months, and all the time I've spent alone, that I'm craving an even deeper solitude. I am. The time spent around people feels sometimes overwhelming, sometimes wonderful. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm coming or I'm going with that.

I'm certainly not the only one. Been reading lots of articles about the challenges of returning to a more social existence. It may be short-lived, though. With the new variants developing because of slow and inconsistent vaccine roll-outs, and vaccine hesitancy and low rates of vaccination, we may find ourselves right back in isolation come fall. 

I'm not sure that isolation during a pandemic gives me what I crave around deep solitude. With the stress that comes naturally with a global crisis, it's hard to rest into the peace of solitude while in that kind of isolation. 

All this reminds me how important it is to be open, flexible, and nimble. To modulate expectation. 

Thoughts come late at night as I'm thinking about retiring to my bed. I did not sleep well last night and had surprising and uncomfortable dreams just before I woke for the first time this morning. I got my sleep in two three-hour spurts. With a three hour break in between. Days like today have me wondering about what kind of self-care is needed in this transition. Mulling.

A Hundred Days of Happiness is a daily writing practice that opens a landscape of discovery into my own human experience.

Katherine Cartwright has been blogging since 2012, and each year brings new wonders. She asks big questions of the small things in life.