Maybe I've simply taken on too much this summer. Maybe I overestimate my available time and my available mental and emotional bandwidth. I think I just like to learn, to expand my horizons and skills, my experience, the things I'm able to offer.
I have a fortune cookie strip taped to the keyboard of my laptop. "Nothing dared, nothing gained." It seems to be my mantra these days.
I was having a conversation with someone today. She took on a huge challenge and hit a wall and was questioning her choice. As I listened to her, I wondered if there comes a point, a point of no return, where we're in so deep that we can't step back but we wonder if we can fund the energy to finish? Or if we go into things with a vision, but the minutiae of the process clutters our energy field so completely that the vision somehow eludes us and we forget why we took on the challenge in the first place?
At this point, I'm simply taking it a day at a time, a lesson at a time, one question at a time, trusting that I will be able to do what I've set out to do. And remembering - nothing dared, nothing gained. Life is all about risk. And we learn as much from our failures as we do from our successes. Truth be told, though, I was raised to understand that I'd better not fail. It wasn't really tolerated. So the thought of failing creates incredible anxiety for me. I'd like to think I taught my own kids something different, but I'm not sure that I did. Those early lessons run deep. At least now, I think I've softened enough that when my kids are struggling with something, I'm a softer place than I once was. Awareness is a powerful thing.
The Great Summer Writing Retreat of 2019 continues. One hundred days of writing unedited ideas and following a prompt to its sometimes illogical conclusion. And showing up. Every. Single. Day.
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