Trickster Wins the Day

Coyote crossed my path today.

Right there in the middle of the Badlands, where dust storms raised spirits in the dust that danced so high they obscured mountains.

Trickster wins the day. 

All my lights need recharging. I did not discover it til after dark, and it is so cold my iPhone could pass out at any moment. It likes neither heat not cold. 

All that's left to do is watch the stars twinkling in the night sky and go to sleep. But I'm feeling wide awake and like I'd like to do something. Last night I was sleepy quite early, but someone was playing loud music that moved through this quiet wilderness like a band of raucous revelers. 

I imagine that when I finally settle down, the coyotes will begin to sing.

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde period. There is no agenda other than to show up and discover the treasure buried there. 

Off the Grid

I'm technology challenged in the wilderness.

I've been here since yesterday evening and was unable to publish last night. I spent the day in transit. The constantly changing landscape mirrored my own inner space. The westering sun threw enormous beams through the clouds and the sky was illuminated with an unusual silvery blue.

The difference between here and the beach towns is a bit surreal. I'm staying on a horse ranch in Ranchita. Conditions are primitive. And wonderful. I spend the mornings working with the horses and the afternoons hiking in the desert. I go to bed with the sun and rise with the sun.

There's something very clarifying about spending some time this way.

I drove through mist, fog, and storm to get here. California's been dry for a year, so this is unusual. It made rivers in the desert. When I arrived, a cloud settled over the place.

Literally.

There was no visibility. I could not see my next step. The night was cold and damp. It was a misty morning until all that burned off and revealed crystal blue skies and brilliant sun.

In the afternoon as I drive my bright red Jeep Renegade down the road, I am met with sweeping views of chapparal before descending 4000 feet into the desert bowl, where the heat bakes out whatever ails. It never fails to take my breath away.

The day is beautiful - all sunshine and shadows of clouds on mountains.

Back at the ranch in the evening, the setting sun turns big, puffy white clouds deep pink and glows behind the mountains, setting the sky on fire. It darkens quickly and a late waxing crescent moon appears suddenly in the sky. Jupiter and Mars attend her. As the hours progress, more stars appear, until the skies are filled with them. I'm hoping to see the Milky Way.

My phone is acting up and the camera's not working. My words are going to have to carry the experience. We make do and discover unexpected treasure.

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde. The only agenda is to show up and discover the  treasure buried there. 

Conversation with Crow

The crow in the tree is talking to me.

He got my attention while I was going off in my morning journal with mindless chatter, purging nighttime thought clutter and early morning dreams. His language is curious. I've never heard anything like it before. 

He went on this way for awhile, charming me with clever conversation. And then he released his hold on the branch and glided away - effortlessly. The tree is empty now and it feels a little lonely without his presence. 

Or maybe it's me. Maybe I liked listening to the crow talking. I liked our coversation. I liked talking with someone so much wiser than me. 

I watch crows fly by as the day goes on and wonder if it is he.

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde period. The only agenda is to show up and discover the riches buried there.

Morning Songs

The ocean surface is smooth as glass.

I hear waves crashing on the shoreline.

It's funny how dry my skin feels. 

The air doesn't feel dry.
But my hands are dry and

There are new waves and
Whorls in my face

Down where the edge curves toward my neck.

Birds are singing a different song here, 

Or maybe they are different birds.

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde. There is no agenda other than to show up and discover the riches buried there.

Each Time I Look Up

There's a lovely sliver of crescent moon in the evening sky over the Pacific Ocean.

Jupiter shines a little way off in the distance.

And Mars, with an orangey glow, stands sentinel to the south.

There's a peace to the night sky this evening. Ocean waves move with rhythmic cadence and the wind blows in light gusts. The sky darkens and stars begin to appear.

Each time I look up, the sky seems more and more alive.

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the 2018 Venus retrograde period. There is no other agenda than to show up and discover what riches are buied there.

A Gift of Hours

I flew back through time today and was given a gift of hours.

I stood by the edge of an ocean at the end of the world
and allowed my thoughts to take flight.

To melt into the horizon with the setting sun.

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde. The only agenda is to show up and discover the riches buried there.

New Moon

I wanted to write while the moon becomes new.

So here I am. Taking a break from whatever I was doing to simply be present to the shifting energy and my own deep relief for a new cycle. 

New moons are energy thresholds that give us new opportunity with new possibility. Humans have been marking changes of seasons and cycles for as long as they have been noticing seasons and cycles. 

I think we like it when everything is made new.

Ah, and here it is. Just now. 

Can you feel it?

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde. There is no agenda other than to show up and discover the riches buried there. 

This Is the Way the World Ends

To tell the truth, this title presented itself to me as a thought and expects me to write something to go with it. 

I feel like a captive writer this evening.

Stepping into the unknown

Death and Rebirth

The Balsamic Moon rises

Just before dawn

I dwell in nether lands

Neither here nor there

It is the moment between

The final exhale before

The first in-breath of rebirth

The balsamic moon rose this morning and will rise again tomorrow morning. New moon arrives tomorrow at 11:47 pm, eastern time, just before midnight and the shifting into a new day. She is square Pluto in the solar system. A hard aspect. Conflict. The symbol for death and rebirth, transformation, and power, the Lord of the Underworld from ancient myth has something to say for the next month as he collides with a tender new moon, the Libra moon and the beginning of a new season. A season that takes us into the darkest time of the year. 

Libra is balancing, delicate, and relational. The scales of justice may have met their match.

It's uncanny how such ancient symbolism finds a mirror in the world today. 

Never mind the world "out there." Ultimately, it's an invitation to peel back the layers of what may have remained hidden in our own lives around all these themes. 

Death. Rebirth. Transformation. Power. 

An invitation to dance with the Lord of the Underworld. For a time. A month. Or a season.

And we're suspended for about a day between the invitation and the initiation. 

This is the way the world ends. With an invitation. With an ending and a beginning.  

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde. There is no agenda other than to show up and discover the riches buried there.

The excerpt from No Matter What Else Has Been (c) 2012, Katherine Cartwright, appears in the body of this blog post. The complete poem will appear in the collection Claws of Uthurunku, currently in production.

Poetry of Descent

She begins her descent.

And at each threshold, she must surrender something. 

Clothes, jewels, veils, crown. 

And finally her breath.

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde. There is no agenda other than to show up and discover the riches buried there.

Into the Beams

It's time for something new.

I've been thinking about it for awhile. When it would be a good time to write again. 

I wanted to take a break after the Summer of Self-Love to think about what might be different about me after 92 blog posts, a season of writing daily, after giving myself what I love most - time to write. 

And the writer's life that comes with it.

I remember feeling a bit strange on September 1. The first day after the Summer of Self-Love was over.

There's more to share about all that, but for now I'll just leave it here. 

Because we've come to today.

It's the first day of Venus retrograde. 

Every 18 months, the planet Venus moves into the beams of the sun and is not visible in either the evening sky or the morning sky. Her orbit takes her so close to the sun that her presence is diminished by the only thing that can do that. 

Our star.

She's so bright in the sky that she is called the Evening Star. Or the Morning Star. Ancient people looked to her for a reliable sign of light in the darkness. The moon, after all, has a cycle that frequently takes her in and out of the night sky. The ancients also had stories inspired by her movements. Stories like those of Inanna, Queen of Heaven, and her descent and return to and from the Underworld.

The Wilderness Journey, so often told in the Bible, is another cycle of stories thought to be inspired by Venus' movements. Those who went into the wilderness had a descent and return of their own. They often went looking for God, and they returned refined and renewed, ready to step into their power and into the next part of their journey.

I'm touching on several things into which I hope to go more deeply as the approximately 40 days of Venus retrograde continues. Over the last month she has descended toward the horizon and today she is below it and out of sight, in the beams of the sun. She'll be there as she transits the sun and moves beyond the beams on the other side, rising as the Morning Star.

In June 2012, as I watched a NASA live stream of her crossing in front of the sun, I wrote this poem, inspired by her movements.

There Was a Dream 

I woke up feeling rather angry with the church. There was a dream. I was running away as I ran toward something. It ended with the restoration of a relationship. Yesterday's dream comes again and I am running away while trying to get somewhere. I stop to play and to be with the innocence of a sweet, wonderful child I love.

And here is something else -- the first pages of a new journal I began the day after Venus went into the Underworld, into the rays of the sun.

Where no one can see

Her transformation

From bright shining light in the night sky

To dark shadow passing before his face

Through searing light and fire

Burning all who look upon him

Except her, brave beautiful wanderer, 

She disappears again

To complete her lonely journey

A prophet returns and a poet is born

Come back from death

Come back from the wilds

Come back from the deep chasm 

Into which she has leapt

Her fall, a seraph breaks

Fiery, winged spirit

Touches her, just here

And she gets her wings

Exploding Divine Word

Planted in her heart

Pushing their way through the 

Matter of experience and

Bursting forth like flame   

There's always powerful transformation afoot when a goddess descends into the Underworld and is initiated by what no one else can see. She comes back with a story that brings healing and life. Or sometimes death.

I look around and think of the powerful changes being initiated during these days of feminine underworld journey in our culture. We have no idea what will be born from these times. But we go into the beams to be refined and to allow our brilliance to be revealed, like precious metal being proofed.

Into the Beams is an approximately 40-day wilderness writing journey during the period of the 2018 Venus retrograde. There is no agenda other than to show up and discover the riches buried there.

There Was a Dream (c) 2012 Katherine Cartwright. All rights reserved. 

This poem will appear in the collection Claws of Uthurunku, currently in production.